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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960670">darling, please</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/XXhobbitXX/pseuds/XXhobbitXX'>XXhobbitXX</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ratched (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, post bar scene AU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:54:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,966</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960670</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/XXhobbitXX/pseuds/XXhobbitXX</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>this happens after Mildred left Gwendolyn at the womens bar in S01E02.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwendolyn Briggs/Mildred Ratched</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>darling, please</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi guys, this is my first fanfiction and I´m slightly unsure about my writing style. English isn´t my first language but i will try my best.<br/>I would love to read your comments, ideas and thoughts</p><p>this chapter will contain crying and a little bit of implied self harm, but nothing graphic    <br/>but please, if you´re uncomfortable with anything or easily triggered- dont read it!<br/>For the rest of you...<br/>Have fun :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rain fell warm and heavy on the roof of the car when Gwendolyn decided to start her journey back home. A little more aggressive than necessary the blond woman opened the car door and slipped inside.<br/>
"one of you? I don´t even know what that means!", "dont touch me!" Mildreds words circled around in her mind, giving her sensations close to a whiplash. Closing her eyes Gwendolyn laid her trembling hands on the steering wheel and rested her aching head on top. Sigh. Before she knew what was happening her mind slipped away and panic began residing inside her chest. No,no,no,no...no.. what if she tells someone? Mildred said she wouldn´t but what does Gwendolyn really know about her? Nothing. She drew in a shaky breath - and when the first tear slowly made its way down her flushed cheek Gwendolyn Briggs, whos always so proud and put together, found herself crying in earnest in the parking lot of the bar. Her sobs echoed loud inside the car and the pouring rain did nothing to soothe her aching and broken heart.</p><p>Gwendolyn never cried, especially not over a lover. Not that Mildred was anything even close to a lover for Gwendolyn, but the blond woman loved the nurse who broke her heart so cruelly. She couldnt recollect the last time she was so devestated, not even when her last love died in the war. She received a telegraph explaining what happend, with nice condolescences and a formal invite to her funeral. She never went. How could she? How could she explain to the dead womans parents who she was? She knew what happend to women like her, the cruel therapies to cure them from their illness. So she grieved in silence, but never shed a tear.</p><p>After close to an hour Gwendolyns cries were reduced to the occational sniffel. She briefly considered if sleeping in the car for the night would be an option...snorted and shook her head to rid herself of any unwanted thoughts. She was so tired.  Sighing one last time Gwendolyn wiped her tears away, should I refresh my makeup?..no, and started the car. Looking in the rear view mirror she glanced at the bar, imagined all the happy faces and laughter inside and knew, she will never be able to look at the building the same way as before - before she brought Mildred. Mildred Ratched. Even her name was special. She never met a Mildred before and never wants to know an other woman with the same name. Before she could get lost in thoughts again Gwendolyn turned on the radio, Ella Fitzgerald, perfect.<br/>
Gwendolyn had to admit it was a beautiful evening as she drove along the coastline. The pouring rain stopped and when she looked out the window the moon was bright and the sea almost yellow where the moonshine was reflected on the gentle waves. The anonymity and gentleness of the night had intruiged her even as a child. She would sit under the canopy for hours just looking at the stars and memorising constellations until her mother ushered her inside, pushed her in the shower and scolded her for being alone in the dark for so long. She was afraid something would happen to her dear child, but nothing ever did. A faint smile made its way to Gwendolyns lips when she remembered her mother and she can feel a calm wave wash over her. With new found energy she started humming to A sunday kind of love and tried to enjoy her ride home.</p><p>Gwendolyns mood gradually increased the longer she drove. Yes, she loved Mildred even after a day but she would never force anyone to do something that their´re not ready for. She thought back to their shared dinner. Mildred was complicated that was for sure. Gwendolyn knew her just for a short amount of time but she was good at reading people and Mildred had a darkness in her eyes that took Gwendolyns breath away and clenched at her heart. When she was sure the nurse wasn´t looking, Gwendolyn studied her face and body language and had to admit she liked what she saw. Underneath the stoic perfectionism and cold exterior the nurse wrapped herself in, Gwendolyn could make out little flaws and flashes of emotion on Mildreds face. The way her pupils dilated just the tiniest bit as the oyster touched her lips, or the passionate way she spoke about her ideologies as if she momentarily forgot Gwendolyn was even present. Her flushed cheeks when Gwendolyn smiled at her in the car. She was shy and had a low self esteem and Gwendolyn wanted nothing more than to shower the other woman in compliments and love and safety.<br/>
Lighting a cigarette and opening the window just a tad more, Gwendolyn froze. A strange noise made its way to her ears. She frowned, maybe an animal or a child. There it was again. A scream. A really lound animalistic tone but Gwendolyn was sure that it belongs to a woman. Maneuvering the car to the dirty side she took a last drag and tossed her cigarette outside before she made her way to the edge of the cliff. </p><p>Her eyes roomed over the shimmering sea, the shoreline, fallen rocks...there. In between the boulders she could make out a huddeled figure. Gwendolyns stopped breathing as her wide unbelieving eyes fixated on the woman on the beach. Another scream. The strange woman stood up, stumbled a few feet forward and fell back down onto her knees.<br/>
Mildred<br/>
Gwendolyn didn´t know if she saw a ghost or if her imagination played tricks on her and the woman was somebody completely unknown to her, but the auburn hair and elegant dress that were on display in the bright moonlight, were oddly familiar.<br/>
Didn´t she take a cab back home, what is she doing here? Looking along the road and not seeing anything, not even a bicycle, Gwendolyn sighed. Even if the woman wasn´t Mildred, there´s no way Gwendolyn would´ve left her alone at the beach - in the dark 40min away from the next civilisation. With quick steps she made her way back to the car, opened the trunk and pulled out a pair of brown, worn boots. She changed quickly, locked the car again and made her way down the muddy path to the shore. Due to the heavy rain parts of the narrow path were washed away and Gwendolyn slipped more than a few times. By the time she reached the bottom of the cliffs Gwendolyns hair was almost undone, strawberry-blonde strands whisking around her head in the sharp breeze, the mud stained her trousers brown and the uncomfortable feeling of wet clothes on her skin made the woman shudder. From where she stood the other woman was hidden behind the grey rocks that scatterd the beach, but her cries were heard by the blonde. </p><p>Slowly, as if not to startle the other woman, Gwendolyn made her way around the grey boulder and froze. A few feet away from her, Mildred Ratched lay in a fetal position on the wet sand, sobbing her heart out. Illuminated by the moon Gwendolyn could see the wet strands of hair and the soaked clothes clinging to her body. She wasn´t wearing a coat and just one shoe but the nurse didn´t seem to care. The next scream spurred Gwendolyn back into motion. With tentative steps she made her way over to the slim woman and let herself fall to her knees next to her. Reaching her hand out she stopped midmotion, afraid to startle her.<br/>
"Mildred", Gwendolyn whispered. The body beneath her stopped trembeling and went rigid. "Mildred darling", Gwendolyn said again a little louder, the pet name slipping out of her mouth without even thinking about it, "Can you look at me?". No answer. Just the fact that Mildred stopped sobbing and her breath became laboured indicated she heard her. Gwendolyn couldn´t stop herself and realized her mistake to late when she laid a trembeling hand on Mildreds soulder and the nurse flinched violently, arms coming around her head to protect herself. "Don´t touch me, please dont touch me...p..p.p.plea..please" Mildred started sobbing again and shuddered so violently, Gwendolyn was afraid she was going to knock herself out. She wanted nothing more than to gather the distraught woman in her arms and never let her go, but she knew she couldn´t do that. Instead she shuffeled around the body on the sand until she could see her face. "Ok,ok darling. I´m not going to hurt you.", Gwendolyn took of her coat and covered Mildred in it, hoping the warm material would provide some comfort. " Mildred, please look at me". There was shuffeling under the coat.<br/>
"No", It was small and childlike and Gwendolyn almost didn´t hear it, but it was Mildred and it was a start.<br/>
"Why not?", she gently pressed. Her heart hammering so hard in her chest Gwendolyn was afraid it would just burst in a million pieces, "what are you afraid of?" it wasn´t demanding, her voice was patient and warm and she thought she saw Mildred relax just the tiniest bit. "Nothing."<br/>
Gwendolyn couldn´t help but chuckle and Mildred flinched again. "Hush", the older woman tried relaxing her, " Now, thats not true. What happened to drive you to this? Oh Mildred please look at me, you must talk to me so I can see you´re ok" Gwendolyn winced. Stupid. Even a child could see Mildred was not ok. There´s no answer, just a shaky breath and a low wail that pulled at Gwendolyns heartstrings. She decided to give Mildred a moment to consider what to do, or say, or not say, or whatever and just observed her. And what she saw made her brows furrow and her heartbeat increased. Where is her coat?.. and her shoe? Mildred was madly shivering, either from the cold or her emotions Gwendolyn couldn´t tell, probably both. Her eyes made there way up Mildreds sandy strands to the arms she tucked under herself-and drew in gasp. Mildres was bleeding. How could she have missed this. " Mildred, you´re injured. Please let me help you.", Gwendolyn begged in a voice she dind't recognize as her own. Before she kew what was happening Mildred shot up, sprung to her legs and with a shrieked "No!" ran away.<br/>
"Mildred!", Gwendolyn watched in horror as The nurses' little feet got tangled in a piece of seaweed and the woman fell face first in the sand. Coming to a halt next to the motionless redhead her heart shatterd. Mildreds hands were clenched into fists but a shiny object caught Gwendolyns eyes. After narrowing her eyes to get a better look, she sprung forward and grabbed Mildreds wrist with delicate hands. The nurse didn´t even move a muscle. The pale and wet hand lay cold and clammy in her warm one. A razorblade. With wide eyes Gwendolyn looked at Mildred and realization dawned on her.<br/>
"Mildred, please let me help you", No response. The blonde woman couldn´t take it anymore. She let out a sob hid her face in her free hand and cried. The sound startled Mildred. She sat up and looked at Gwendolyn for the first time. A small hand on her chin made Gwendolyn jump. She looked up and was met with Mildreds dark, wide eyes. "Please don't cry", the nurse begged in a whisper and her voice was shaky and childlike and Gwendolyn could do nothing but watch when Mildred wiped her tears away with a gentle thumb.</p>
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